Feeling Depressed :( *Trigger Warning*

Depressed

Hi.

I feel really, really, REALLY bad.

I’m going to be very transparent in this post. Like a freaking window.

I set up this Blog out of pure desperation. I am so desperate to escape my current lifestyle of working in a busy office and dealing with what feels like constant stress. And I needed to be able to express myself to people who don’t know me in real life. I feel thin-skinned and after a while of facing the bombardment of noise and bright visuals, I want to hide away. I start getting really anxious and don’t want to be around people.

I can’t look anyone in the eye, because my self-esteem has died. I start to feel paranoid that people are judging me or whispering about me.

I start to question everything.

Why is this World so cruel? What if there is no such thing as Karma? What if the people who do bad things just get away with it? Why do the bad guys so often succeed and will our World always feel so hopeless and upside-down? How can I escape this? Maybe I should just live in a cave away from civilization. Will I always feel this unhappy? What if there is no such thing as long-term happiness? Maybe the odd moment is all you get. And then you just die. Holy shit – What if this is as good as it gets? I just want to feel peaceful. I just want a bit of space and quiet. I don’t fit into this way of life …

I have been working in the wrong jobs for years but, realistically, I don’t know what the hell I’m supposed to do to get my life on track. It’s hard as a creative person.

I want to be a writer, or do music, or help animals.

But there are too many people in this World and they are better than me. They don’t all have adrenal fatigue or anxiety & depression. I have these obstacles. I have no confidence in myself. I feel like a lone wolf when I go about my daily life. I feel SO alone. I feel like I have nobody to connect to when I’m at work. I feel like nobody understands me. Maybe I am just a freak.

Surely it isn’t supposed to be this hard. I have read SO MANY self-help books and where have they got me? What change have they helped to create? Nowhere. Nothing.

Where do I begin? I am struggling to pull myself out of bed to face what will be another exhausting day. I just want to stay inside, away from the madness. I just want to read books and watch TV.

Due to the stress I have experienced, over such a long period of time, I am gaining weight around my stomach (AKA Visceral Fat). This can kill you in the long run, and though I still appear skinny to anyone who would glance my way, I feel uncomfortable sitting down. I have ‘Skinny-Fat’. My diet is good. I walk a lot. But stress increases cortisol production from the adrenal glands and this in turn leads to weight gain. Until I can deal with the stress (and I’ve tried for years at this point), I am screwed.

I just feel like I’m sinking into a pit of doom. I want to feel safe. I want to feel like there is hope and that I can get better. But I don’t know where to start.

I would like to hear some words of encouragement if anyone is in a position to help me. I’m feeling really lost.

😦

 

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12 thoughts on “Feeling Depressed :( *Trigger Warning*

  1. Hey Alex,

    You just need to keep going. Maybe at some point will turn out to be great and we will be there to realise it. I also struggle with anxiety and sometimes feel slightly depressed and out of place and purpose. But I believe we need to keep on going no matter how tough it gets. There is hope.

    And for the belly fat – try 6 week 6 pack. This is a tough nut to crack but definitely will make you lose excessive weight.

    Take care,

    Another sensitive dude 🙂

    Liked by 1 person

  2. Hi Alex – I am glad you started the blog, because we need more people in the world to write with such honesty. Just know you are not alone (even though I know it can sure feel that way at times), there are many of us who are feeling the same as you. I can relate because I am a sensitive being and would like to do the same things too (be a writer or help animals).

    I believe that everything happens for a reason (even when it doesn’t feel the best), and the right opportunity will come. Previously I worked in an office and left after 4 months. It can be a stressful environment, but remember you are stronger than you think. I truly believe that whatever someone wants to do, they can reach it. No one is better than you, and it’s okay to have anxiety and depression 🙂

    Katie

    Liked by 1 person

    1. Thanks Katie. I have been working in an office environment since I was 18, for the most part. It clearly isn’t right for me, but I’m not sure what else is out there that I can do. I think I’d like to work outside, so I feel more connected to nature. x

      Like

      1. Hi Alex,
        Welcome, and thank you for sharing you remind me so much of the younger version of myself, and So many others can relate to every word you wrote. Its very clear that you’re fed up and reaching out, not for pity, but for solutions to the current state of your life, which is not serving your true purpose. The frustration you’re feeling is a sign you need to change the course of your life.
        Yes Karma does exisit, bad deeds and will NOT go unpunished, It is Satan’s game to fool those who are bad into thinking they are doing good, and those Good intentioned people to think they are less than their successors and therefore have them feeling hopeless.

        The Reality is only you are in control of your happiness and your own destiny, The only way to achieve that is to change the negative beliefs about yourself. Personal struggle comes from their low self worth, we give ourselves excuses to why we aren’t where we want to be, we tell ourselves we arent good enough or smart enough etc, Our own self judgement and fasle negative beiefs is what puts us in a cycle of despair and from reaching our goals and desires.

        When we change our beliefs and replace negative thoughts with positivity, we self -partner, we focus on our needs, we give up the thoughts that no longer serve us so to evolve into a new deeper understanding and connection with our authentic self, we then become clear on how we want our life to be as appose to what we don’t, we no longer feel lost, and we set the intention for our goals.

        When you shift your way of thinking your life will shift also, when you feel good, positive and confident, new opportunities will show up, everything will start to go in your favor, as long as you believe, you are enough, that you are worth it ,you can do it, then any bad decisions and experiences you may stumble upon are merly lessons on the path to greatness, we fall, we pick ours selves up, we come back stronger wiser and never lose focus of our dream, we perserver and we keep going.
        We live in an age of great technology where abundant resouces are available at our fingers tips and many of them totally free.
        here are a couple to get you started: from Marisa Peers and Mindvalley Academy

        P.S. None of us are here to save the world, you cannot control what others think feel or do, that is not your role here, thinking and feeling this way will only make you ill, and that is Satans’ plot, do not fall for it. Those who are doing evil upon the earth let them be, for we all were given free will and they are doing their own will. Focus on yourself on your own deeds and rest assured we are all being judged by a higher power separate from this earth, Justice will come to all in time.

        Liked by 1 person

  3. Hi Alex,
    Welcome, So many of us can relate to every word you wrote. Its very clear that you’re fed up and reaching out, not for pity, but for solutions to the current state of your life, which is not serving your true purpose, the frustration you’re feeling is a sign you need to change the course of your life.
    Yes Karma does exisit, bad deeds will not go unpunished, It is Satan’s game to fool those who are bad into thinking they are doing good, and those good intentioned people to think they are less than their successors and therefore have them feeling hopeless.

    The Reality is only you are in control of your happiness and your own destiny, The only way to achieve that is to change the negative beliefs about yourself. Everyones struggle comes from their low self worth, we give ourselves excuses to why we aren’t where we want to be, we tell ourselves we arent good enough or smart enough etc, Our own self judgement and fasle negative beiefs is what puts us in a cycle of despair and from reaching our goals and desires.

    When we change our beliefs and replace negative thoughts with positivity, we self -partner we focus on our needs, we give up the thoughts that no longer serve us so to evolve into a new deeper understanding and connection with our authentic self , we then become clear on how we want our life to be as appose to what we dont, we no longer feel lost, and we set the intention for our goals.
    When you shift your way of thinking your life will shift also, you will feel good, positive and confident, new opportunities will show up, everything will start to go in your favor as long as you believe, you are enough, that you are worth it ,you can do it, then any bad decisions and experiences you may stumble upon are merly lessons on the path to greatness, we fall, we pick ours selves up, we come back stronger wiser and never lose focus of our dream, we perserver and we keep going.
    We live in an age of great technology where abundant resouces are available at our fingers tips and many of them totally free.
    here are a couple to get you started: from Marisa Peers and Mindvalley Academy

    Liked by 1 person

  4. hey man, have you considered the age old search for God? all the best minds for millennia have spent their lives on searching the big search… i’m not saying it will be easy, and don’t bother with mainstream Christianity, what with their hell and demons and crap… but Universalist Christianity will surely help you loads, it has me. i even wrote a book on my search and finding… it is published but i think needs a bit of a rewrite lol it’s called ‘Finding God on Youtube… The Hi-tech Search For The Grail’ 🙂 have fun and go get ’em!!

    Like

      1. that’s too bad, God is sweet… and you do know that quantum physics has already proven that everything comes from a consciousness right? they call it ‘the field’… i mean, sure God is there.

        Like

  5. I don’t know if this helps but I’m pretty sure I feel the same as you…I’m also an “HSP” and feel like an outsider in this world. I feel easily overstimulated by things and out of place in this society. I want to live in a compassionate world- -not a world all about production and money at any cost. I feel drained so easily by things & feel no one understands! And I feel like my life lacks meaning and purpose…like I’m on the wrong path. I like quiet, animals, nature, philosophical things, natural health, writing, creativity… I wish I could just run away into the country and live alone in the hills… this post probably makes no sense…but my advice is to never give up (as corny as that may sound.)

    Liked by 1 person

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