The Highly Sensitive Dude – Book.


Once again, it’s been such a long time that I wrote and you may have assumed I died. Or, more likely, you just forgot about me.

Anyway … I am writing to let you know I am working on a book about High Sensitivity.

It will be somewhat a diary, talking about some experiences from my own life as a HSP. Hopefully it’ll have some inspiring shit in there too.

It will be #Relatable

I hope you’ll read it when it’s made available on Amazon Kindle.

And I hope you had a really relaxed Christmas time.

Much love,



Cluttered Home, Cluttered Mind …

Among the many days of dark depression and crazy self-destructive thoughts, I have learned a thing or two about this thing called Life through my struggles.

I have realised – sooner than many (and some will never learn) – that happiness does not rely upon external measures, although the outer World can certainly affect the way one feels.

For instance, imagine winning the lottery or being taken hostage by some men wearing masks. Both would obviously make it difficult to remain unchanged. Both are also unlikely to ever occur to you.

During my depression, I accumulated a lot of things. It was never my goal to do this … It just kind of happened. I wasn’t very sociable and didn’t piss away my income on booze at the weekends, like many late-teens/20-somethings do. I probably should have saved the money … I would be thanking myself now.

At one point, in 2011, I did have about £6000 in my bank account. But with how I was feeling, I decided to stop working a dull job and sat around doing not-all-that-much for 5 months until it ran out and I had to take the first job that came about. I was 21 at the time and so didn’t feel any real sense of urgency to sort everything out.

Anyway … you’re probably aware of what minimalism is.

It’s a very typical thing for someone like me to gravitate towards. Did I mention I am Vegan and practice mindfulness? How fucking original am I?

I am a certain breed – beyond the highly sensitive person. I am one of those people who just doesn’t ‘get’ life. I don’t get why people want to work their asses off in jobs they despise, in order to buy a shiny car – for what? A way to impress people and feel desired? That seems pretty shallow to me. And you will still get stuck in traffic.

Maybe I had to become a hoarder to realise material things only get in the way – of self-expression, growth and creativity. Too many material things, at least.

I stopped my ‘must-buy-another-item’ addiction a couple of years ago, or longer. But much of the stuff remains, largely covered in dust and worth close to nothing.

I have had a few clear outs during the last year or so, but there’s still a lot of clutter and it’ll be a bitch to move.

So, what kind of things was I buying?

Books, DVD’s, Blu-ray’s, Video games, Clothes … nothing too weird … a couple of butt plugs (joking! I only needed one). At one point, I spent £5000 on Invisalign, which straightens your teeth. My teeth are much better looking for it, but I could probably have saved £30,000 by now if I had learned to manage my finances better. Corr, that’d be nice.

I wish I could bring myself to get rid of everything. Part of me knows it’d be very helpful for my mind. It’s hard to come home and feel the burden of all those things – staring at me with judgement. ‘I’ve been sat here for 5 years and I’m still in a wrapper. You paid £35 for me and now I am worth pennies – lol’.

The most important thing is to break the cycle. I rarely buy clothes now, because there is no need. Most days I have to wear a shirt and trousers, so why bother owning so many t-shirts and pairs of jeans? And with Netflix, who the fuck needs to buy DVDs? I still love going to the cinema, but why buy something you will only watch once or twice?

In honesty, I am happiest when I’m just outside in nature with my dog or watching Netflix with my girlfriend, or reading a book. Seeing that none of those really cost a great deal, and with my surplus of supply, I have everything I need to enjoy myself …

That’s when going to work gets in the way.

Spending most of your waking hours in an office that you hate is no way to live. So … now, having learned how happiness works … I am careful with what my money goes towards. I have been saving money for the last year and could afford to be off work for half a year if I quit tomorrow. I don’t want a repeat of 2011, though. My long term approach is to reduce the distractions in my life and come home to an almost empty house. Without having to hide books under my bed, or stuff my cupboards with clothes.

If you can relate, maybe you should think about doing the same.

I would much rather spend my money on things that are freeing. Clutter will keep you tied down in one place, never feeling like you have time to get to everything. I want to explore, and reduce hours spent doing boring things like sitting at a desk answering phone calls and staring at a screen.

The thought of being able to live simply really appeals to me. Everyone is so stressed out because there is always something else to do. It’d be nice to step back to a time when people rode bike’s instead of just driving everything. Or played board-games instead of phone-apps. Or talked to each-other at a restaurant, instead of talking to people on Facebook.

A great quote I once came across was, ‘The Man who chases two rabbits catches none’ (Ancient Chinese Proverb). First of all, leave the rabbits alone. Secondly, the quote goes to show if you are striving to do so many things – you will only ever remain mediocre in each. You could be an amazing actor, singer, artist – whatever you want – if only you put in the time and committed to ONE THING. Maybe you need some degree of natural talent, but, more than anything, you need the staying power of practice.

Here’s a great video I watched yesterday about a guy who quit an $80K per year job to work part-time at a grocery store:

Thanks for reading and sorry I’ve not posted in a few weeks.

~ Alex.




Are you having fun yet?

Stefan 5

Hello and welcome to another post.

My last post on Veganism did surprisingly well, receiving many more views and shares than usual. That was nice.

I have been doing some thinking.

About what I should do with the rest of my life. I have too often given into fear and plodded along, feeling safe but dreadfully uninspired and listless – ‘going through the motions’, as they say.

Ever since I left High School at 16, I have felt lost and worked in jobs I despise. All for that small paycheck each month. After High School, I went to College and studied Business and Finance. I only picked the subject because it sounded safe and usable in the real World. Not to mention, I had no idea what else to do. I thought about doing Drama and Film Studies … that kind of thing. But the realist in me said it’d be a waste of time and would get me nowhere.

I did tremendously well in the Business & Finance course (a BTEC National Diploma), getting top grades, but I felt no sense of achievement because it was all meaningless and I was too busy worrying about my health and feeling depressed (having reacted badly to the medication, Roaccutane).

It is surprising how fast the years can go by. Let’s face it – there are things along the way that are changing and keeping you busy, so you don’t always notice what is happening and where you are headed. Suddenly it’s the start of another year, or your birthday, and you realise you are wasting time …

I have been working within Insurance for the past 3 years (working for 3 different employers). I can do it, easy enough. But the repetition, the stress, the workload … where is the pay off? What’s the sodding point?

I realised that part of the problem is feeling stagnant. I am no longer learning and I am terribly bored of it all. A job can suck all of your energy if it isn’t right for you and so I realise it is time to get my act together, before I end up trapped forever.

So, whilst I don’t have a precise plan yet – and I really should have figured all of this out sooner – I am going to learn new things. I am going to follow my heart, because I have rarely done so and it has left me a shadow, barely living.

I think my options are as follows:

  • Study part-time, selecting an Open University course. This would take six years.
  • Or – going to a University and getting a Bachelor’s degree. This would take three years.

I think I prefer the sound of Option B.

So, the next question is what would I study? It’s got to be something I actually WANT to learn and use. I am going to dig deeper, but my interests (that I think I could get a job out of at the end of it) are:

  • Psychology
  • Sociology
  • Philosophy
  • Social Work
  • English (Writing)
  • Journalism
  • Counselling
  • Psychotherapy
  • Animal Science

I think Psychology or Philosophy are the two that stick out the most for me. I don’t really know what job I could get from Philosophy, but I am very interested in ideologies surrounding our existence and around ethics. As I have explained before, and as you may gather with me being a HSP, ethics are very important to me.

But that’s good isn’t it? …

I’m thinking now. Instead of feeling like I can’t make a decision or feeling like my only option is to do what I have always done, I am actually looking into my options. I used to hope that there was an easier path. One where I didn’t have to study. But any time I look at jobs being posted, they are all … ahem, crap.

Without a degree, I can easily get a job in retail, insurance or admin.

But life is too short to sell your soul for a paycheck. I crave meaning and I want to care about the work I do.

I want to make a difference.

If I have to study for a few years in order to secure a better future, then so be it. And I am still terrified. I can still over-think it and worry that a degree isn’t enough to find a job afterwards. Or that I’ll struggle. Or people won’t like me on the course.

But sometimes you have to tell that cynical voice to keep it down and focus on what you want. And you need to have a bit of faith in yourself.

I’d love to hear from you in the comments.

~ Alex.

Like my Facebook page for updates: BOOM!

Strawberries don’t bleed … (Why I’m Vegan)


There is definitely a link between being Highly Sensitive and going Vegan.

I challenge any HSP to watch Earthlings or learn about animal agriculture and NOT go Vegan. We are naturally highly empathetic and, trust me, once your eyes are opened, you can never see things the same again. It is like you escape the Matrix.

My eyes are scarred from the things I have seen. Years ago, I had no idea how cruel Mankind could be. It seemed so normal to eat meat every day. And I LOVED eating meat.

Most of us are brought up in a way where we are so disconnected to the reality of mass farming and slaughterhouses.

Becoming Vegan has changed me for the better.

I have been Vegan for around 4 or 5 months, which really isn’t very long. But some people claim they couldn’t go a day without meat – let alone without any animal products. Whilst this is obviously untrue, people don’t want to have to change their habits and imagine a plate of whatever they usually eat, less the meat. It’s no wonder the idea of going Vegan seems unappealing and difficult.

And I won’t lie. There are some challenges in becoming Vegan.

It has become a lot easier as time has gone on, but most restaurants are not catering to Vegans. To me, it’s crazy to see how hard it is to eat without supporting such cruel industries.

Once I made the connection in my mind that I was paying industries who profit off of suffering, it was easy to go Vegan. I was paying for animal cruelty, and yet I called myself an animal lover and would never dream of hurting one myself.

And with that said, this blog post could become terribly long. There is so much to say and so much to explain to those who – like me once upon a time – are unaware of why Dairy is cruel. Or why the Egg industry is cruel. People believe what they are told and are too busy to look into things themselves. And so ‘Free-range’ or ‘Organic’ must mean the animals are treated well … right?


If only it were true …

I am not going to be able to say everything I want to in this one post, so if you have any questions please do ask and I promise to come back to you.

My heart is irreparably broken from what I have discovered.

The greed of man. The evil man is capable of. The way these poor animals are exploited and used. They are treated like nothing – just a number. Nothing is given back. All we do is take, take, take. We are destroying the planet in a way I never understood before I became Vegan.

Did you know it is estimated our Oceans will be Fish-less by 2048 unless we rapidly start to implement big changes?

Did you know that Livestock covers 45% of the Earth’s land? Animal agriculture is the cause of the largest mass extinction in 65 million years (which might not sit well with anyone who believes the Earth is only 3000 years old and Eve was made out of one of Adam’s ribs).

A farm of 2,500 dairy cows produces the same amount of waste as  a city of 411,000 people. And we are told to recycle some pieces of card and to turn of the standby light of our Television. What a joke.

1-2 acres of Rain-forest are cleared every second because of animal agriculture.

More than 150 BILLION animals are slaughtered every year – not including those killed in laboratories for drug/cosmetics testing.

Some scary, but very real, facts right there. It can seem hard to imagine.

Being Vegan means far beyond just eating a certain way. It is no fad diet – and there are plenty of those going around. It is a belief that life is precious and should be treated with respect and compassion. It is a stand against oppression and cruelty. It is an understanding that you cannot put the words ‘humane’ and ‘slaughter’ together. It is an awakening of the soul. And that awakening can hurt.

When you realise what humans do to animals – for food, entertainment, fur, leather or just sick pleasure … it’s all very upsetting. I have lost sleep over these things and I feel I can never be truly happy again.

I want to share a video that made me cry.

I should mention I hardly ever cry. I usually just feel numb when I get depressed. I can enter a state of derealization, where everything feels distant. Probably an in-built coping mechanism to deal with intense emotions.

But the man in this video is a real life hero. And being a hero in real life doesn’t come with glory. Being a hero doesn’t mean you were built with monster strength or superpowers. It means you are brave enough to face what one should never have to face. It means you risk your life and accept the chance you might die for something you believe in so deeply and know is right.

Let me introduce Marc Ching from the foundation, Animal Hope & Wellness. Here is a real man, with a heart the size of Everest. He went over to China to fight against the indescribable cruelty within the Dog Meat Trade. Because China (or some people within China) have some very broken traditional beliefs, they think that the meat tastes better if you torture the animals before killing them. You might already be aware of this because of the spark of outrage over the Yulin Festival.

However, the Yulin Festival is just one small segment of such cruelty.

Tens of Millions of dogs are killed throughout Asia each year for food. They also kill dogs and cats for leather, so FYI – if you wear leather, check the label. If it says ‘Made in China’, you might be wearing the skin of a dog. Not that this should be any more sickening than wearing the skin of a cow. Many people – the one’s that even stop to think about it – think that leather is produced as a result of the meat industry. Nope. Cows are killed purely for leather. I know this information may be a lot to take in, or maybe you are waiting for a silver lining …

I just want to raise some awareness about the injustice in our World. Animals are the most oppressed and nearly all of this stuff is kept hidden in our culture. All so little Timmy doesn’t have to question where his Happy Meal or McNugget’s came from. If little Timmy happens to ask, his Mother will tell him lies because she is too ashamed.

I have gone off on a bit of a tangent, but my emotions are firing off as I write this. Please watch this video, where Marc Ching is interviewed about his Foundation and helping to save dogs in China. If there is a more inspirational man than Marc, please tell me who:

This video should have Millions of views, but people would rather watch Zoella and Nicki Minaj. If everyone would come together to fight to injustice and cruelty, we would see huge change overnight. But people are scared to confront the truth and to see how messed up our World is. It’s painful.

Marc has sacrificed his own sanity and peace of mind in order to help rescue and rehabilitate animals who would purposely have their legs cut off, or be boiled/skinned alive for a meal at some ridiculous festival.

But let’s go back to the Western World.

Pigs, cows, lambs, ducks, chickens and more …

People don’t really care so much about those animals. Slaughterhouse workers are obviously maniacs and yet people want to believe the animal had a good life and was treated with at least some dignity. Before slaughter, what conditions were those animals in? It’s shocking when you find out – but what do you expect? The planet isn’t big enough to let all the animals run freely like the cold-hearted companies would have you believe.

Because of the working pace within a slaughterhouse, it is well documented that the animals are often not correctly stunned (not that it sounds much fun to have electricity jolted into your brain in the first place), so these farm animals often have their throats slit while fully conscious. I have seen undercover footage where pigs are having their hair removed in boiling water … fully conscious again. That sounds familiar doesn’t it? Yet, people that love ‘Bacon’ will become hostile about the injustice of what ‘those people all the way over there in China’ are doing. If you are not Vegan, you are handing over your money and paying for these atrocities.

But let’s say you let the animals live outside on a field, as 1% of the animals raised for food do get this privilege. They have a nice time relaxing in the Sun. Maybe they face some rain here and there. They grow to a satisfactory size within a few months or years. They are ready to be turned into a burger, or bacon, or whatever.

If the animal has a bolt applied to its head and then its throat is slit while unconscious – so it doesn’t feel anything – is that okay?

Would it be okay if that pig was you? It almost makes it worse to take the life of someone who was happy and healthy, but ultimately I want to get the point across that murder is not humane or okay. Just like rape is not okay.

Humans like to argue, ‘But Lions eat other animals … other animals eat other animals’.

That’s true – some do. And yet we do not have the same instincts as a Lion. We do not sniff each others butts or salivate when we see a cow in a field. We do salivate when we smell fruit though. And strawberries don’t have to be gutted. They don’t bleed or scream. We are not carnivorous and have no biological need for flesh. Our bodies match that of a Gorilla – and they are naturally ‘Vegan’.

I used to be worried that I would suffer for cutting animal products from my diet. It’s so silly … Nobody really thinks Vegetarians are weird now. But once you stop breast-feeding (drinking cows’ milk) and eating chicken’s menstrual cycles, people label you as a weird-ass hippy.

There is so much social conditioning and if we were raised in a different culture, we may also think it’s okay to cause animals pain in order to make their flesh more tender.

Please open your eyes and think for yourself.

Please share this post if you connected with it in same way.

There are so many myths about protein, calcium, iron … it’s ridiculous. As if everyone is super healthy on the diets heavily based around meat and dairy, right? Our hospitals are all empty because everyone has it figured out. Not that I’m saying meat and animal products are the ONLY problems with out diets and lifestyles. But, like we really are all going to become calcium deficient if we don’t have a pregnant cow on tap at all times? C’mon, use some logic, Jesus!

Please do further research by checking out ‘Cowspiracy’, ‘Earthlings’ and ‘Forks over Knives’. There are plenty of great YouTuber’s who can help you to understand the benefits of going Vegan (avoid ‘Freelee The Banana Girl’ and ‘Durianrider’).

At first, it was weird for me to eat a meal without meat on one side of the plate. But now, it’d be repulsive to have it there. I stopped drinking cows’ milk a couple of years ago, because I always knew dairy didn’t make sense. Once I realised the cruelty involved in Dairy, it was easy to stop buying cheese. I still have chocolate, but buy either Dark Chocolate or some bars from the ‘free-from’ aisle. It honestly tastes great. You can get these Hazelnut ‘Vego’ bars online, which are kind of expensive, but they honestly taste better than anything you’ve ever had.

I also stopped eating Red-Meat a couple of years ago, so the transition was pretty gradual for me.

I eat very healthy the majority of the time, because my health is important to me. Everyone has their own definition of what foods are healthy, but we can all hopefully agree that Fruit and Vegetables are the number 1 and 2 things we should be consuming every day. The variety in colour is appealing to our eyes for a reason.

I have a YouTube channel I have been running for a few years, which is separate to my new HSP-related channel. I have plenty of videos on Veganism (and mental health, and other things) if you want to check them out.

Here’s a link to one of my videos. I will let you look through more yourself if you wish to:

If you made it this far, that is incredible. Leave a comment saying ‘I like puppies’.

I call myself Alex on the Blog because I wanted to keep it private and un-searchable by my Employer and other people.

I like to be able to talk with complete honesty and openness.

Thank you for your time today,

~ Alex.


I’m an INFJ.


Hello again.

I hope you are having a nice day.

As well as being a Highly Sensitive Person (HSP), I am also an INFJ. If you are not familiar with the term or the Myers-Briggs personality test, I highly recommend you give it a go yourself here. I have found it to be very helpful in understanding myself.

I expect it is somewhat common among HSPs to also be INFJs but, out of the 16 personalities, this is said to be the most rare – especially for men. Also known as “The Advocate” or “The Romantic”, INFJs account for less than 1% of the population.

This might explain why I nearly always feel like the odd one out. Like I don’t fit in anywhere. Like I am different.

But maybe being different is okay – good, even.

Because is the average person happy? Does the average person drink and smoke to deal with their problems in life? Do they find fulfillment and connection or are they merely a consumer of the media and over-priced clothing and material objects, chasing status or fame?

As an INFJ, I have a very high sense of morality and am extremely idealistic. Think of Gandhi, who was thrown into this category. On the positive side, we see what is lacking and what needs to be changed – we want to make the World better. But our desires for change can be met by much resistance, as many people would prefer to do things the way they have always been done. Some people don’t think there is anything wrong with this World…

It isn’t a coincidence that I found Veganism – but I will save the talk on this topic for another, more in-depth post.

At the core of the INFJ is a desire to make a difference to this World. To spread happiness and kindness. Hostile environments make us tense and we feel the need to leave those situations so we don’t become overwhelmed with negative energy, which is hard to absorb. People beeping at each other in traffic can make us feel on edge. An argument with a spouse can leave us feeling drained of energy. We have a ‘Can’t we all just get along?’ mentality, which could be considered naive given the state of our World.

We should probably recognise that most other people aren’t born with the same set of values as us. But it can be hard to have any empathy for those who chase money and power while hurting those who stand in their way. Or for those who cheat on their partners, or manipulate them for their own gain.

Speaking from my own experience, I very much lack empathy for those who act selfishly and hurt others in order to get what they want. Relating this to being Vegan, I can feel extremely angry if I see a video of someone hurting an animal ‘for fun’. And while this is the natural reaction that many other people would share, I find it hard to let go as I want so much to see justice and retribution. I sometimes create fantasies in my mind where I catch the perpetrator and torture them in painful ways. I mean, I seriously beat the fucking shit out of those horrible bullies!

In reality, this isn’t useful as I have yet to find myself in a position where I can carry out such acts. And who is to say I would be able to in reality? But seriously – hurt an animal and I will go Liam Neeson on your ass.

INFJs are known for their creativity. The ‘I’ stands for introverted, so we spend a lot of our time turning inwards and thinking. This can be great, but if we are in the wrong environment, we can become chronically stressed and negative. Anxiety and Depression are common, because there is always a need for improvement – in ourselves and in the outer World. We are very perfectionistic and expect far too much of ourselves. We focus on what went wrong instead of what went well. Something often feels missing and so – most of the time – we feel discontent.

Personally, I find it incredibly difficult to conform to rules and one-way approaches too. My current job in Car Insurance is unfulfilling to me, because it doesn’t offer me the opportunity to be creative. Everything is rigid and lacking in any personality. I don’t like to use technical jargon like ‘on a without prejudice basis’ or ‘knock for knock’. I would prefer to speak in real, animated ways. Just speak plain fucking English! Every now and then I will get a letter from a ‘third party’ solicitor and they really can talk some old bollocks.

INFJs – as well as HSPs – are prone to becoming overwhelmed and burned out, because things are rarely ‘good enough’ and so much needs to be sorted out. Being an introvert in itself can be challenging given the work-structures of nearly every company, but combined with the high expectations and over-stimulation we face in crowds or when in a situation we feel trapped by, one can sink into some very low moods. This is likely why I developed Chronic Fatigue Syndrome, which I am still very hopeful to resolve.

Despite the difficulties I face on a daily basis, this way of being has made me very spiritual and – in the good moments – I feel very connected and at one with the Universe. I must monitor my energy levels – physically, mentally and socially – so I do not become ‘that guy’ who I don’t like so much. All of this is a journey and the more we understand our needs and meet them, the happier we can be. Whatever our personality type, we need to understand ourselves as best we can so we can make the right decisions in life – whether that revolves around Career, Hobbies or Relationships.

You can read all about INFJs in more detail here.

Thank you again for taking the time out of your day to read my thoughts. Please do follow me for further posts on being a Highly Sensitive DUDEEEEEEE. Don’t forget to like the new Facebook page for updates > BOOBIES!!!

I will try to make time to record some more videos for the YouTube channel soon.


~ Alex.


I have been struggling with Depression.

Never Again


I am writing this before I head off to work.

I slept badly again. I didn’t get to sleep until around Midnight and I woke up – wide awake – at around 5am. That’s not nearly enough sleep for someone who is burned out with adrenal fatigue. If I could just get a good night’s sleep, or a few in a row, it would help massively.

While at work yesterday, I couldn’t have felt any worse. I had also got a bad night of sleep the night before. So I emailed my HR contact and basically said I can’t do the job anymore – at least not full time. I didn’t care anymore what would happen to me, because I was at breaking point. I kind of wanted them to tell me to go home and not worry about coming in again.

I started this job just 7 weeks ago and have struggled to cope with the pace. It’s ridiculously busy, with emails constantly pouring in throughout the day, the phone ringing intermittently and various files to follow up on urgently. The role is car insurance and my stress is worsened when I spend much of my time sitting on hold to other insurers (I literally can be on the phone for an hour waiting for someone to answer) and it is impossible to catch up.

Everyone else in my team is in the same position, but they care more about the job than me. They have ambition around Insurance. Some of them have studied or taken exams and want to make it a career. I am not like them.

The rest of my team seem in no rush to leave at the end of the day. When it hits 5pm, I am ready to get the fuck out of there. I am spent. The noise and the stressful environment have taken their toll, and I am weak. Throw in the lack of sleep and subsequent lack of energy and it’s a recipe for disaster. Often my colleagues stay to work over-time. I turn down the offer any time I am asked.

The stress of the job has been creating a lot of anxiety for me and is the reason I can’t rest well at night. So I needed to speak to the lady in HR.

Instead of 9-5, I will now be working 10-4 (5 days a week). While this is an improvement and will help me, I will be losing money each month and I will still have an insane workload, because the company doesn’t want to pay more money for new staff. But fuck it. I don’t care anymore. That’s their problem. If I can’t do all the work, despite pushing myself to the max, it’s not my issue.

I still need to get out of this place, because I have been doing insurance for a few years and I’m completely sick and tired of it.

No wonder my health seems at an all time low.

I walk around like a zombie, wondering why I shouldn’t just give up entirely and end my misery …

But that’s no way to think. When you die, it’s over for good. I feel inspired to do whatever I must to leave this industry. As a HSP and INFJ, I need purpose. I have a lot of passion in life – about injustice, animal welfare and fighting the bullshit we call normal and acceptable. I need to center my career around something I care about.

I was looking briefly at Open University courses, but on a part-time basis they take 6 years to complete. I would be 32 when I was done if I started the course now. I’m not sure I have the patience to wait 6 years to live my life.

So I still have no idea what I am going to do. This life can be very testing for those like myself who don’t just want to fill a spot and work for money. We spend most of our lives at work, so if we had our jobs we need to change them.

I would love to hear from you. I am sorry I haven’t posted much in the last week or so. I hope I feel stronger soon.

Thank FUCK it’s Friday!

For those who haven’t achieved anything…

I, too, have got into the mindset where I feel I have done nothing of value with my life.

That if I died tomorrow, I would die without having anything to show for it.

And maybe that’s because we idolize Film Stars and Musicians, who have a a host of glamorized achievements under their belt. Or maybe we see inventors like Steve Jobs, or authors like J.K Rowling and we just cannot live up that level of success and contribution.

And, of course it is extremely unlikely than anyone can! Let’s be real for a minute.

But just because you haven’t walked down the red carpet to screaming fans, or got a number 1 record, doesn’t mean your life is meaningless. It doesn’t mean you never achieved anything.

For example, you might drive a car. That’s impressive – even though some driver’s make me wonder if the test is still too easy. But really, something as simple as passing a driving test shows what can be achieved with practice and dedication. I passed my test on my forth attempt. That sounds bad, and I used to get really nervous because I don’t do well in situations where I am being observed closely, but I have never had an accident in the almost 7 years I have been driving. And hey, I could have quit after 3 fails – But I got there in my own time.

Some people might pass their test first time round, but then rush into a sense of immortality and invincibility. And then they have an accident or, worse yet, die.

This has gotten a little dark, as is usual for me.

But let’s think about something else you might have achieved. How about passing your exams in School? Sure, maybe you weren’t a straight A student. But if you tried your best and didn’t end up unemployable afterwards, that’s worthy of a pat on the back.

And maybe you think your job is a bit shit. Maybe it’s dull, or a monkey could do it. Maybe you are right. But, in time, you can get where you want to be.

Also, we don’t need to see success in the same way we always have. Maybe success is being a good person who does good things selflessly. Maybe someone who looks after the sick and vulnerable is the real success. Maybe that’s what should be valued, instead of good looking people on the TV.

Because there are a lot of rich and famous people in the World who are fucking assholes. They have betrayed people, or maybe exploited people/animals to get where they are now. Like, there are a lot of rich farmers. And Steve Jobs is responsible, in part, for slavery and human rights violations. Think of all the overworked people in China, getting paid fuck all so Apple can reap ridiculous amounts of profit. And I might be a hypocrite for saying that, because (like most people) I own an iPhone. Though I didn’t actually buy it. It was a hand-me-down.

But maybe we should look beneath the surface instead of focusing on the iceberg (or Success) that we usually zone in on.. Maybe some people’s success is a veneer of shit, decorated in some shiny glitter. Maybe all that money is the product of blood, sweat and tears.

And, ultimately, whether you die a Millionaire or a struggling single Mum on benefits, you still die. Your body still gets buried in a hole or burnt to ash (pretty nice thought, isn’t it?).

So, if you want to achieve more, be reasonable. Life gets in the way and we are all trying the best we can (well, not everyone is, but those reading this Blog are the one’s who are in touch with their desires). If you want something bad enough, I believe you can get it. Refuse to quit and don’t give up when success doesn’t come quickly.

But also remember to take a chill pill and lay off the pressure sometimes.

~ Alex.

P.S. I set up a Facebook page, so give it a LIKE 😉


You ALWAYS have a choice …


Do you ever get stuck feeling like everything is helpless and there is nothing you can do about it?

Sometimes we are restricted in our abilities to change a situation, but we always have a choice.

Let’s give a couple examples to get across what I am wanting to say …

On the way to work, I go a quick way even though I am not supposed to. Y’know, because I’m naughty and so very rebellious. But really, there is a lane I am supposed to only use after 9:30am. Before then, only cyclists and bus drivers can use it. But compared to some of the other crimes in life, I recon I’ll be spared an eternity in Hell for this. Today though, as I was going through, I spotted a bus coming from the opposite direction. The road is narrow, so I pulled over to allow the bus driver to come past. He looked at me and he knew I wasn’t supposed to be there.

He shook his head at me and I audibly laughed after. But now I feel a bit nervous. Up until today, I’d not been ‘told off’ for my naughty behaviour … I’d gotten away with it. But I might see the bus driver again. It made me a little anxious, thinking ‘Shit. I don’t want to keep bumping into this guy. What if he steps it up a gear? Maybe gives me the middle finger … maybe honks his horn at me while waving his arms in outrage … Maybe blocks the road and pulls out a machine gun and f*cking shoots me!!!’ Okay – that last one seems unlikely.

But I have a choice, don’t I? I can either carry on going down the ‘illegal’ route, and risk being shouted at, while feeling like I’m sticking it to the man. Or I can be a good little man-child and add another 10 minutes to my journey.

Let’s think of another example – also from today.

I was sitting on a bench by a river on my lunch break at work. I was there for 5 minutes, enjoying my hummus and falafel sandwich, watching the swans and geese. Then, a couple of middle aged ladies came up to me and asked, “Is it okay if we join you? There aren’t any benches left.”

In my head, I said “No. I would rather be left to read in peace without feeling like I’m eavesdropping on your conversation and feeling like my personal space is being invaded”.

Out loud, I said “Sure. Have a seat”.

After a few moments, I shifted my eyes to the right and saw – quite clearly – a solitary bench, with nobody sitting on it. I thought, ‘I could just go and walk over there and have my own space again … but these ladies will probably think I’m rude and antisocial’.

I debated it for a few minutes and then I realised … I have a choice. Thinking about it isn’t going to change anything. What am I going to do? Do I want to spend the rest of my lunch sat with these gossiping women and not being able to concentrate on my book? Not really, no. So I just walked off and sat on another bench. Maybe they thought I was rude. But does it matter? Of course not. I enjoyed reading my Kindle, without feeling like I was being watched (something us introverts cannot avoid feeling).

So, what I am trying to put across to you is that you cannot always help the things that happen to you. Often, we are just a passenger on this roller-coaster ride and have little influence on what will come about. But we can change our reactions and we have a choice in how we handle situations.

Should you take that medication? Who knows… but it’s up to you if you decide to or not.

Should you go out tonight with your friends? Or should you stay at home and read like you want to?

Should you quit your job? Maybe not if you have nothing else lined up, but nobody is going to stop you.

Next time you feel yourself feeling trapped, realise that you can change your response. Sometimes, in my day-job, I get down and start wondering what I am doing with my life. I want to be making YouTube videos, or writing, or seeing the World. I want to be creating music. But I also want to be able to eat and have a roof over my head. You can’t always have it both ways, but acknowledge that you are choosing what you do with your life.

I hope this helps you. Give it some thought the next time you are feeling like things are out of your control.

If you’re a newbie, be sure to Follow me (not in a ‘I’m outside your window’ kind of way) and Subscribe to the YouTube channel for future videos on life as a Highly Sensitive Dude.

Peace and Love,

~ Alex.

Feeling Depressed :( *Trigger Warning*



I feel really, really, REALLY bad.

I’m going to be very transparent in this post. Like a freaking window.

I set up this Blog out of pure desperation. I am so desperate to escape my current lifestyle of working in a busy office and dealing with what feels like constant stress. And I needed to be able to express myself to people who don’t know me in real life. I feel thin-skinned and after a while of facing the bombardment of noise and bright visuals, I want to hide away. I start getting really anxious and don’t want to be around people.

I can’t look anyone in the eye, because my self-esteem has died. I start to feel paranoid that people are judging me or whispering about me.

I start to question everything.

Why is this World so cruel? What if there is no such thing as Karma? What if the people who do bad things just get away with it? Why do the bad guys so often succeed and will our World always feel so hopeless and upside-down? How can I escape this? Maybe I should just live in a cave away from civilization. Will I always feel this unhappy? What if there is no such thing as long-term happiness? Maybe the odd moment is all you get. And then you just die. Holy shit – What if this is as good as it gets? I just want to feel peaceful. I just want a bit of space and quiet. I don’t fit into this way of life …

I have been working in the wrong jobs for years but, realistically, I don’t know what the hell I’m supposed to do to get my life on track. It’s hard as a creative person.

I want to be a writer, or do music, or help animals.

But there are too many people in this World and they are better than me. They don’t all have adrenal fatigue or anxiety & depression. I have these obstacles. I have no confidence in myself. I feel like a lone wolf when I go about my daily life. I feel SO alone. I feel like I have nobody to connect to when I’m at work. I feel like nobody understands me. Maybe I am just a freak.

Surely it isn’t supposed to be this hard. I have read SO MANY self-help books and where have they got me? What change have they helped to create? Nowhere. Nothing.

Where do I begin? I am struggling to pull myself out of bed to face what will be another exhausting day. I just want to stay inside, away from the madness. I just want to read books and watch TV.

Due to the stress I have experienced, over such a long period of time, I am gaining weight around my stomach (AKA Visceral Fat). This can kill you in the long run, and though I still appear skinny to anyone who would glance my way, I feel uncomfortable sitting down. I have ‘Skinny-Fat’. My diet is good. I walk a lot. But stress increases cortisol production from the adrenal glands and this in turn leads to weight gain. Until I can deal with the stress (and I’ve tried for years at this point), I am screwed.

I just feel like I’m sinking into a pit of doom. I want to feel safe. I want to feel like there is hope and that I can get better. But I don’t know where to start.

I would like to hear some words of encouragement if anyone is in a position to help me. I’m feeling really lost.



How To Deal With Anxiety (HSPs).


This follows on from my last post, where I talked about why anxiety is common among Highly Sensitive People.

You can read that post HERE.

After living with Anxiety (and Depression) on and off for 10 years, I wanted to share what I have learned and how I deal with my crazy little mind.

I spent a lot of money on supplements for a long time, because I was convinced my anxiety and depression were related to a physical problem. I’m not talking about serotonin – I am talking about the negative side-effects I experienced following treatment with Accutane (as previously discussed). I figured I was only depressed and anxious because I felt weak and tired a lot of the time. Or that my body was over-run by toxic medicine residue.

Did any of those supplements help? No. I literally pissed away thousands of pounds and noticed absolutely NO changes. And when I say supplements, I mean I tried like everything. Ancient Chinese herbs, multi-minerals, other herbal remedies (specifically made for me by a Herbalist). All kinds of nasty stuff, like ‘Chinese Bitters’. Holy cow, they were bad!

At one point, I literally put Coffee up my ass!

Don’t judge me! I was super desperate to feel better and even though I knew it seemed like a long shot, I was advised that it’d help cleanse my liver of toxins. To be honest, it felt quite nice (haha) though those days are now ‘behind’ me.

Get it? ‘Behind me’ … like my butt.

Anyway … it’s totally true that there is a mind and body connection. Stress can literally kill you if you don’t take it seriously. At times, I wonder how the f*ck I’m still alive. Like, I’ve been through some deep shit, man. How has my body not just given up? How have I not got cancer?

Despite some ongoing health issues – which I will touch upon in a future post about Health and High Sensitivity – I am very lucky to have not been struck down with anything life threatening.

But if you lack energy, motivation and generally feel a bit naff, it could be that your mind is having an effect on your body. Just in case anyone is still in doubt or somehow thinks this sounds New-agey, it is pure science. The placebo effect has proven how our mind can influence our body. There are plenty of metaphysical books out there about healing. People claim to have beaten Cancer and other incurable diseases by changing their lifestyles and their minds. I for one believe them, because life is too bizarre to be a mistake.

I don’t think we are supposed to just die for no reason, having not achieved the things we are capable of. Although, having said that, this World is obviously very mysterious and, at times, frustrating and brutal. People die because of other road users, or terrorist attacks, or sociopath cannibals. It is hard to give meaning to some things.

Can you tell I am just writing without a thought? This post may seem a little all-over-the-place, but I’m in the zone!

Let’s get to the point though. Anxiety is a big problem. If you are anxious (or depressed, or just generally feeling like crap) a lot of the time, your body is in fight, flight or freeze mode. I’m sure you have heard this before. The whole Caveman thing, where we are faced with a Lion and our adrenal glands are put to work. Everything is put on hold, resulting in susceptibility to illness, a low sex drive, digestive problems and a bunch of other weird stuff. Your heart might race. You get a throbbing headache. Maybe you feel dizzy.

Here is what I can tell you …

  • The more you fight to change the anxiety response, the worse you feel. Because it doesn’t work like that. You are anxious because you are stressed out and resisting what is your current reality. Continuing to fight, while seemingly noble, will not change anything. If you enter a situation where you feel fear, do not try to change your reaction. You can’t! Allow the anxiety to remain there and slow down. Focus on your breathing and allow yourself to just stop caring for a minute. I mean, Jesus, you can’t carry on living like this all the time, right? It can be hard when you are stuck in a rut. Sometimes you need to get away from the situation that’s bringing you down. But sometimes, you need to accept your limitations and shift your focus.
  • The more grateful you are – for the things that are awesome about your life – the better you will feel. There are some Millionaires who are less satisfied with their lives than those who can’t even meet their basic needs in Eastern Countries, stuck in poverty. Often, what we focus on is what we feel. So choose to be grateful for the things that are good in your life. I guarantee you have plenty to be grateful for. Your current mindset may say otherwise. Don’t believe a word. It’s easy to keep saying you will be happy when you quit your job, you find a loving partner, you go on holiday or whatever. But sometimes things are complicated. Sometimes dreams remain dreams. Sometimes a holiday is not forthcoming. So look around at what you have now, in the present. Nothing can last forever, so remember to enjoy the things that surround you at this moment in time.
  • Exercise is so important for the following reason. Anxiety and stress cause your adrenal glands to secrete adrenaline and cortisol (hormones). This is okay in moderation, but if it keeps happening you wind up feeling like a deflated bag of potatoes. Exhausted. The best way to release that pent up tension is through exercise. Like, for me, I do get stressed more easily than some people. If I don’t get away from the office during my lunch break, I can start to feel more and more pissed off. I need to have some alone time and space from people. I need to get away from buildings and cars. I get to a spot of nature and it helps. Maybe I still feel fed up afterwards, and want to go home, but it’s the best thing I can do. Combine nature with exercise and you’re onto something good. For me, gyms are ugly factories filled with steroid-injecting, mouth breathing meat-heads, so I avoid them.
  • Anxiety is normal. We can’t feel great and relaxed all the time. And our World promotes anxiety through the negative stories in the news – and there is always a new one. The trashy magazines that tell you how you should look are nothing but poison. People on Social Media can seem so happy and all-together. Remember to keep a realistic perspective. Some people like to make our they are fine when they are really not fine. Not everyone in the streets is a murderer. Celebrities aren’t flawless and pictures are heavily edited. Most of all, accept that with this life (that we have been GIVEN) we can’t always have it our way. Appreciate the good times and carry on when things are hard.

Because I guarantee you, if you feel beaten up at the moment, you will feel better and will have a smile on your face again soon. Anxiety cannot survive if you have hope and love in your heart. So choose to believe there is a reason for all of this. Look for the good in things and if something isn’t working, don’t be afraid to take the reigns and create change.

I wish you all a wonderful week.

Please share this blog post if you enjoyed it. It isn’t easy trying to reach people when you are only just starting out.

I would love to hear from you. What makes you feel most relaxed? What are your anti-anxiety tips?

Peace and love,

~ Alex.