Feeling Angry.

Anger is one of the worst emotions out there … Or is it?

There is a powerful energy in Anger. When I have felt deeply angry – when I have put up with too much for too long and have kept everything inside – the anger screams as it is finally released.

In those moments, I could lift the Big Show… Maybe not, because he’s 500 pounds, but Pure Anger is fucking explosive. It’s like a Volcano going off.

And I have a problem with Anger.

Because I’m a nice guy, and that isn’t really a value in this dog-eat-dog World. I try to be nice to people, but some people just don’t deserve it and some people are just assholes. It is exhausting to keep acting easy-going and nice when things piss you off and leave you emotionally drained. The amount of times I fake-laugh when I’m miserable inside… That shit has to stop. It takes so much energy to keep up an act like that.

It’s no secret that the World is a mad place. Working most of our lives IS stressful and trying to follow your dreams IS difficult, especially when there are Millions of people competing for the same things.

I get incredibly frustrated on a weekly basis. It is hard when you visualise the life you want (and deserve) but are so far from that picture.

I get very annoyed when I see some of the dicks making it Big on YouTube. For example, someone like KSI (with 15 Million Subscribers) just annoys me. Yet, he doesn’t have to do anything he doesn’t want to do. He doesn’t have to prostitute his soul for money. He can do whatever the fuck he wants. And while I am not very fond on the guy (and many others on YouTube), I massively envy that freedom. Imagine waking up and not having to drag yourself somewhere you hate… What a fucking nice idea that is.

Going back to the topic of Anger though – it is a tool to be utilized. Sure, it’s probably a reminder that your life is a mess and you may not know how to change things. It is there for a reason. But while it is there, use it wisely.

I was listening to a podcast earlier, and this guy was saying that using Anger to be a miserable dick, who shouts at people and creates hostility, is like wanking into a tissue and throwing it in the bin.

Not the nicest of visuals, but he had a point. Anger = Power. You can use it to destroy, or you can use it of a force of positivity. I guess it’s the difference between Hitler and Gandhi. And maybe you don’t want to be either of them. But if you are repeatedly getting angry (or rageful), you need to do something – DO ANYTHING.

If a job is causing the anger, and it has happened before for you, maybe you’re in the completely wrong job for your personality.

If it’s being caused by a certain person, maybe they aren’t good for you.

If it’s a bit of everything, your life needs a serious make-over.

I got about 3 or 4 hours’ sleep last night. Today was a really shitty day. This week was a really shitty week. My general adulthood has been shitty, too. So it’s time to do something about it. Anger comes from a feeling of no control, so reclaim a hold of your life. You can choose a lot. And maybe all the options come with some big negatives. But choose the one that makes sense the most. Does doing nothing make fucking sense to you?

If you don’t have the answers, find someone who does. If you don’t know where to turn next, just do anything but stay still.

That anger can be a good thing if used well.

From another perspective, we are animals. Anger would be useful for our survival. I often want to punch people when I’m angry, but luckily I have more foresight than that. Getting into a fight is never the solution. But hey, it’s a natural reaction to those stress hormones. Sitting in an office, under high pressure, is going to create a hectic mindset. It is an abnormal situation. Combined with a lack of sleep and other subsequent problems (like arguing with a spouse because something else is making you into a total shit) and of course you’re going to want to let some of that shit out.

I’m still trying to find a way to deal with my own anger issues. Maybe this post will make you feel less alone. The take-away from this is to be inquisitive towards your emotions. Why are they there? What is their purpose? What are they reflecting about your life?

If you do not express yourself, which seems to be what our backwards society suggests (i.e. Don’t be sad), then it’ll come out one way or another. If you are arguing with the few people you actually care about, it’s time to get angry towards the fuckers who are bringing you down.

Peace out – Go do some cool shit.

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Treating Agoraphobia

Welcome back to the Blog!

Another common disorder, which is essentially just Anxiety expressing itself in another form, is Agoraphobia.

I have definitely suffered from this, and continue to. I am determined to reclaim my life and normality. In relation to this blog, I do believe that HSPs (Highly Sensitive Persons) are far more likely to struggle with different forms of anxiety.

Having done some research on Agoraphobia, I understand that the best treatment is exposure therapy combined with CBT (Cognitive Behavioural Therapy). With this disorder, people fear the Outside World and often panic in unfamiliar surroundings, or in situations where anticipation can build (like standing around in a queue at the Supermarket). While it may appear to be situation-based, these fears are linked to the perception of the sufferer.

Someone may consider that 10+ miles away from home is uncomfortable, or else will perceive that big cities are the cause of their problems.

Of course, in reality, there is nothing to fear. The situations are not the real cause.

While there may be some genuine – yet small – risks in leaving our homes, we cannot possible live the rest of our lives governed by this phobia. Of course, there is a slight chance you could die while driving to work. Maybe someone is going to decide to steal from you. Hell, if you watch the news for long enough, it can make you paranoid that the chances are even likely that someone will try to kill you – for no apparent reason.

The biggest issue with Agoraphobia is overthinking and procrastinating. Once someone has developed the fear, they will continue to dread leaving their home (or ‘safe-zone’). The chances of overcoming this problem while feeding the anxiety (i.e. by listening to it and avoiding situations) are close to zero.

Of course, there is always hope with these mental distortions. Once you become aware that your mind is creating these false fears, you can choose not to listen to the negative thoughts. The biggest fear is in not being able to escape a situation. But, once again, there is nothing to escape from. You are the problem.

I say this from a place of understanding and empathy – not judgement.

This is a big challenge for me, although I know some people struggle far more intensely than myself. What I can tell you, from experience, is that it will get worse if you don’t take action. If you continue to avoid situations that make you uncomfortable, your life will hardly be worth existing for. Life is outside, not in our houses (which are really just a few walls placed together). You really need to accept that this fear is an internal issue, created by thoughts and feelings.

Come with me, and dare to venture into the unknown. Know that the fear you experience is not grounded in reality. Other people, who are in the same environments, are able to carry on as usual. I strongly believe that we can recover, and our brains (more specifically, our amygdala’s) will adapt once we stop feeding ourselves lies about how terrifying everything is.

I made a video talking about my struggles with Agoraphobia, so be sure to check that out below. I make videos about mental health, healthy living and Veganism. I also throw in the occasional music video. If you’d like to see more, be sure to subscribe.

For now, I wish you well in your recovery from this very lonely and isolated experience.

We can do this.

~ Stefan.