Feeling Angry.

Anger is one of the worst emotions out there … Or is it?

There is a powerful energy in Anger. When I have felt deeply angry – when I have put up with too much for too long and have kept everything inside – the anger screams as it is finally released.

In those moments, I could lift the Big Show… Maybe not, because he’s 500 pounds, but Pure Anger is fucking explosive. It’s like a Volcano going off.

And I have a problem with Anger.

Because I’m a nice guy, and that isn’t really a value in this dog-eat-dog World. I try to be nice to people, but some people just don’t deserve it and some people are just assholes. It is exhausting to keep acting easy-going and nice when things piss you off and leave you emotionally drained. The amount of times I fake-laugh when I’m miserable inside… That shit has to stop. It takes so much energy to keep up an act like that.

It’s no secret that the World is a mad place. Working most of our lives IS stressful and trying to follow your dreams IS difficult, especially when there are Millions of people competing for the same things.

I get incredibly frustrated on a weekly basis. It is hard when you visualise the life you want (and deserve) but are so far from that picture.

I get very annoyed when I see some of the dicks making it Big on YouTube. For example, someone like KSI (with 15 Million Subscribers) just annoys me. Yet, he doesn’t have to do anything he doesn’t want to do. He doesn’t have to prostitute his soul for money. He can do whatever the fuck he wants. And while I am not very fond on the guy (and many others on YouTube), I massively envy that freedom. Imagine waking up and not having to drag yourself somewhere you hate… What a fucking nice idea that is.

Going back to the topic of Anger though – it is a tool to be utilized. Sure, it’s probably a reminder that your life is a mess and you may not know how to change things. It is there for a reason. But while it is there, use it wisely.

I was listening to a podcast earlier, and this guy was saying that using Anger to be a miserable dick, who shouts at people and creates hostility, is like wanking into a tissue and throwing it in the bin.

Not the nicest of visuals, but he had a point. Anger = Power. You can use it to destroy, or you can use it of a force of positivity. I guess it’s the difference between Hitler and Gandhi. And maybe you don’t want to be either of them. But if you are repeatedly getting angry (or rageful), you need to do somethingĀ – DO ANYTHING.

If a job is causing the anger, and it has happened before for you, maybe you’re in the completely wrong job for your personality.

If it’s being caused by a certain person, maybe they aren’t good for you.

If it’s a bit of everything, your life needs a serious make-over.

I got about 3 or 4 hours’ sleep last night. Today was a really shitty day. This week was a really shitty week. My general adulthood has been shitty, too. So it’s time to do something about it. Anger comes from a feeling of no control, so reclaim a hold of your life. You can choose a lot. And maybe all the options come with some big negatives. But choose the one that makes sense the most. Does doing nothing make fucking sense to you?

If you don’t have the answers, find someone who does. If you don’t know where to turn next, just do anything but stay still.

That anger can be a good thing if used well.

From another perspective, we are animals. Anger would be useful for our survival. I often want to punch people when I’m angry, but luckily I have more foresight than that. Getting into a fight is never the solution. But hey, it’s a natural reaction to those stress hormones. Sitting in an office, under high pressure, is going to create a hectic mindset. It is an abnormal situation. Combined with a lack of sleep and other subsequent problems (like arguing with a spouse because something else is making you into a total shit) and of course you’re going to want to let some of that shit out.

I’m still trying to find a way to deal with my own anger issues. Maybe this post will make you feel less alone. The take-away from this is to be inquisitive towards your emotions. Why are they there? What is their purpose? What are they reflecting about your life?

If you do not express yourself, which seems to be what our backwards society suggests (i.e. Don’t be sad), then it’ll come out one way or another. If you are arguing with the few people you actually care about, it’s time to get angry towards the fuckers who are bringing you down.

Peace out – Go do some cool shit.

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Feeling Depressed :( *Trigger Warning*

Depressed

Hi.

I feel really, really, REALLY bad.

I’m going to be very transparent in this post. Like a freaking window.

I set up this Blog out of pure desperation. I am so desperate to escape my current lifestyle of working in a busy office and dealing with what feels like constant stress. And I needed to be able to express myself to people who don’t know me in real life. I feel thin-skinned and after a while of facing the bombardment of noise and bright visuals, I want to hide away. I start getting really anxious and don’t want to be around people.

I can’t look anyone in the eye, because my self-esteem has died. I start to feel paranoid that people are judging me or whispering about me.

I start to question everything.

Why is this World so cruel? What if there is no such thing as Karma? What if the people who do bad things just get away with it? Why do the bad guys so often succeed and will our World always feel so hopeless and upside-down? How can I escape this? Maybe I should just live in a cave away from civilization. Will I always feel this unhappy? What if there is no such thing as long-term happiness? Maybe the odd moment is all you get. And then you just die. Holy shit – What if this is as good as it gets? I just want to feel peaceful. I just want a bit of space and quiet. I don’t fit into this way of life …

I have been working in the wrong jobs for years but, realistically, I don’t know what the hell I’m supposed to do to get my life on track. It’s hard as a creative person.

I want to be a writer, or do music, or help animals.

But there are too many people in this World and they are better than me. They don’t all have adrenal fatigue or anxiety & depression. I have these obstacles. I have no confidence in myself. I feel like a lone wolf when I go about my daily life. I feel SO alone. I feel like I have nobody to connect to when I’m at work. I feel like nobody understands me. Maybe I am just a freak.

Surely it isn’t supposed to be this hard. I have read SO MANY self-help books and where have they got me? What change have they helped to create? Nowhere. Nothing.

Where do I begin? I am struggling to pull myself out of bed to face what will be another exhausting day. I just want to stay inside, away from the madness. I just want to read books and watch TV.

Due to the stress I have experienced, over such a long period of time, I am gaining weight around my stomach (AKA Visceral Fat). This can kill you in the long run, and though I still appear skinny to anyone who would glance my way, I feel uncomfortable sitting down. I have ‘Skinny-Fat’. My diet is good. I walk a lot. But stress increases cortisol production from the adrenal glands and this in turn leads to weight gain. Until I can deal with the stress (and I’ve tried for years at this point), I am screwed.

I just feel like I’m sinking into a pit of doom. I want to feel safe. I want to feel like there is hope and that I can get better. But I don’t know where to start.

I would like to hear some words of encouragement if anyone is in a position to help me. I’m feeling really lost.

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